Phyllis Frances Vereb: Remembrances of Our Mother

Phyllis Frances Vereb, 73, passed away at Bayshore Hospital in the late evening of Dec. 4^th, surrounded by her loving family. Phyllis was born on July 27, 1940 in Trenton, NJ to parents Edward and Bernadette Wierzbicki. Visually impaired since birth, this platinum blonde beauty with a “Colgate” smile was raised, along with her younger sister and brother, by their devoted mother, in their Lalor Street home where Mrs. Wierzbicki remained until her death in January, 2008 at the age of 87. The passing of Phyllis’s mother, who was her most treasured friend and greatest supporter, was a profoundly sad event in her life.

Phyllis graduated from Cathedral High School in 1958 before marrying her childhood sweetheart David Vereb in 1960. Together they had six children, all of whom were raised in Trenton before the family relocated to Clarksburg, NJ, Millstone Township in 1972. Phyllis independently reared her spirited brood of six in this picturesque Monmouth County farming community. She proudly lived in her Stagecoach home residence until her recent fall and subsequent illness in late October.

Phyllis leaves behind her beloved six children: Lisa Diez, (CA), David P. Vereb (VA), Judith Harzer (NJ), Beth Martin (NJ), Christopher Vereb (NJ), Robert Vereb (VA) and thirteen grandchildren: Christopher, Shannon, Kelly, Christina, Justin, Maurice, Robert, Mary, Michael, Mario, Patricia, Jordan and Jacob. She helped to create and inspire all of these beautiful, passionate and accomplished young lives. She is also survived by many valued immediate and extended family members and friends. Phyllis was pre-desceased by both of her parents and her ex-husband.

When remembering Phyllis, her children wish to recall her devout faith and the affirmations that motivated her despite a life filled with tragedy and hardship. Daily she would assert, “This too shall pass.” “ One day at a time.” “Patience is a virtue.” and “Life is easy as long as you don’t weaken.” Phyllis loved music, especially Johnny Mathis and Broadway show tunes. She played the accordion as a child and was a graceful dancer mastering the Lindy, Jitterbug, Waltz and Polka. Phyllis valued art, literature and fashion, having been a model for local Trenton department stores as a young woman. She prided herself on baking authentic traditional Polish holiday nut rolls and Chrusciki for her family. She appreciated history, Shark Week, Jeopardy, the ocean, Anne of Green Gables, dogs, the color pink and wonderful food. She adopted the butterfly as a symbol for her life as it represented freedom, beauty, evolution and flight. And with what little she had, Phyllis regularly contributed to charities and organizations that supported children and the underprivileged. These are the memories that help define who Phyllis was and how her family wishes to remember her.

Phyllis will be cremated and celebrated privately by her immediate family. She was recognized, post mortem by the New Jersey Sharing Network for a successful organ and tissue donation. In lieu of flowers or gifts, please consider making a donation to Catholic Charities who greatly assisted Phyllis while raising her children, St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital or the Blind Commission.

 

“to live in this world you must be able to do three things
 to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it;
 and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.” ~Mary Oliver

June: The Gift of Ruins

June is here. Summer sun, creating in my studio in Savannah, daydreaming and designing my new life and wondering where it will lead...where I will live ...and how it will impact my work.
I am not fearful...well maybe just a little. I am excited by the potential and possibilities of it all.I am ridding of the guilt associated with letting go of my old life.

My niece shared this with me: “A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it along with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great emperor...how could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It’s one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” Elizabeth Gilbert

Ruin is a gift. June is here. Change will come.

Teri and Zoe

Everyone has a story . As I continue to explore my two painted series,  "On Top of My Head" and "Child's Play" ,I am looking to individuals who have powerful personal tales of pain and persistence from their childhood as subject matter. I want to know how these experiences shaped their life, impacted their relationships and influenced who they are at this moment . Although I am not at liberty to fully divulge their stories, the women whom I select to paint have emerged from horrors that are difficult to fathom and yet they have emerged with hope ,passion and formidable strength.

The following are recent works all in process. Teri and her grand daughter Zoe inspire me on many levels .It is a story of a young girl's struggle to maintain her spirit, sanity and safety in the face of unspeakable abuses . It is the tale of her efforts to protect her children and grandchild from the same...a true love story.

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”
― E.E. Cummings

Tell Me A Story

Again I am readdressing past work. We are often encouraged to learn from and leave behind yesterday. "What is done is done!" they say..."Move on!" But I'm not done! My work is about all of me...all of my yesterdays, my nows and my tomorrows. It is my story and we each have one! I am shaped by what was, but not defined by it. I love my memories...the good and the not so great:) Some of my most negative experiences, my aches and pains, my losses, and failures, have been the greatest catalysts for making positive change and growth. They have informed me about myself...what I want and don't want, what I expect and what I wish to become.My daughter, from the time she was little would say, "Mommy, tell me a story." I began a series of paintings years ago, entitled just that.

"Tell Me A Story."A lot can be learned from knowing intimately, the "his/her" story of an individual. What makes them tick? What inspires them to greatness or causes them to retreat into solitude? Why and how do they choose love or not to love? What are their passions? What is their greatest loss? Who? What? Why? When? Where? I want to know!!! And others prefer not to know at all. Anonymity and disconnection abounds. I get it! Does it matter really? To me, it does...witnessing a persons life and seeing beyond the facade...it motivates my heart, my work, my spirit.

So several years ago, I began a stream of consciousness piece to explore my story. When I am unfocused, the intent was to redirect my thoughts into a work that simply explores my current state of mind with no intention about the end result...individual patterns,memories,text and imagery interwoven to create a whole. In some ways it is meditative, like a linear labyrinth...turning and twisting back into itself to restore calm. I do envision an organic piece, one  that transforms in shape, scale and media. It will be textured, intricate,erratic,freely hanging,delicately bound by thread and wire and unbound by frame. It will be my story and for once I understand that it is all my own!

For You: Wrapped in Warmth and Wishes.

Wrapped in Warmth and Wishes...in process oil on canvas...24" x 36"109814

 

Day Dreamer

In process,"Day Dreamer", very wet oil on recycled canvas. I apologize for the reflection.  

Day Dreamer
"It is a good idea to be alone in a garden at dawn or dark so that 
all its shy presence may haunt you and possess you in a reverie
of suspended thought."  ~James Douglas

Jude Harzer Fine Art: Solo Exhibit

You are invited to attend!

"One artist!"...(that's me, Jude! )
"One night!"
Tuesday January ...25th
7-9pm

Please stop in and say hello ! Visit the beautiful Salon du Monde , meet and greet the artist(me again) and the owner Danielle and her amazing staff!
Salon du Monde
620 Arnold Ave.
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ 08742
Phone: (732)714-1437
Fax: (732)714-1457
http://www.salondumonde.com/

Musical Inspiration

Yo Yo Ma's version of "Ecstasy of Gold "and Budgie's "Breadfan" are very different, but equally inspirational to me. As I paint, they evoke images of beauty,passion and dreams.Today I will paint my way toward me dreams.

Yo Yo Ma

Budgie 814109

For Jane: Creating a Commission

My recent commission was thankfully well received! It was a gift for a friend, requested by her husband in celebration of their wedding anniversary. The text, numbers and motifs are symbolic elements that reflect Jane's life and the lives of those she loves most! The concept was inspired by my former "Fly" paintings that always feature a child, blowing a breath of inspiration.These works are about the value of love and care throughout our lives and the role they play on directing our path to self discovery . When inspired with love and compassion, we are gifted with the unwaivering belief that failure is not an option as we confidently pursue our dreams. It was a rewarding experience to successfully capture the very personal and intimate vision of someone elses life story. Jane cried. That was a beautiful and heartfelt compliment!

Happy Anniversary Jane!

Painting :Enjoying the Process

Besides an abundance of ideas regarding subject matter, I actually am interested in my technique and palette. In an effort to paint more fluidly, I am working on 1' x 1' gessoed cardboard and have limited my palette to Prussian blue, titanium white, burnt sienna and dark cadmium red. It is amazing the range that can be achieved in value and hue.

This idea was prompted by receiving an image from friend and fellow artist, Andrew Werth, who created a beautiful and "quiet" painting of his wife Karen. He told me that he was influenced by Edward Hopper and I really studied the stillness that he suggested in this work. I also was advised this summer at the school of Visual Arts in NYC to look at some figurative work by other artists such as Lucien Freud and John Currin, in particular.John was a fellow classmate at Carnegie Mellon in 1981-1982. I recall his skill. It served him well. He is among the top 100 artists in the world:) I won't comment on his subject matter. You can check it out for yourself... but his talent is undeniable.It does help once in awhile, to step outside of yourself, to escape your own thoughts in an effort to learn and develop further. Looking to those who have achieved great success, can be very instructive and inspiring.

So today I painted and am still painting and making progress. It has flowed freely without any intention of creating a finished piece. These are the days that I am reminded of how much I love the smell, feel and process of working with oils. It is the ultimate form of meditation.

"I intend to paint myself to death." L.Freud "  Painting til death ,sounds like a beautiful demise. J.Vereb

Hooray for snow days:) Shhhhhhhhhhhhh! I think we might have another snow day tomorrow. 2 consecutive days of painting ! My words cannot adequately convey my rapture. I might cry:) Just joshin.' Hey Pork Chop,.... if you're out there, this geeky artist girl is about to make magic!

Share Your Life,Your Love,Your Light

In God's reality, the more you give of yourself--in feeling, generosity, self-expression, goodness, creativity, and love--the more you will be given ~ Deepak Chopra

On Jan. 12, 2010, an earthquake struck Haiti, already one of the most impoverished, and politically unstable countries in the western hemisphere. The aftermath is tragic beyond words. More than 50,000 people are feared dead . We are all witness to the devastation via continuous media coverage . For me, the images of the children, both dead and alive, are particularly haunting. Personally, there is nothing more beautiful than the smile of a child...and nothing more painful than a child in pain. Children are typically my favorite source of subject matter. I am inspired by their untainted beauty and easy acceptance of life. I cannot imagine creating an image that sufficiently captures the misery of this "moment" but I feel compelled to work more than in months past. There is beauty there...in Haiti, in the efforts of the rescue workers ,in the selflessness of the global community, in the anonymous and abundant donations of many forms of assistance and in the spirit of the survivors...in the eyes and faces of those children. I will paint the beauty.
As an artist, I have changed hats temporarily, undertaking a collaborative project that involves the tragic existence of another devastated community ...located in Central America. Because it is in progress and in the initial stages, I am unable to share images or information.I am genuinely glad to be illustrating for such a worthwhile endeavor. I was attracted to the work because of my interest in the children. I have been absent from my fine art and the internet, save for some basic correspondence... but have responded to inquiries from Cafe Press and other arts organizations to donate work on behalf of Hatian relief. As an artist, I create work inspired by great love and loss, but always with the notion that I am not alone and that my experiences and emotions are shared. So as artists, what greater gift can we give in this time of need, than our ART? I offer, without hesitation, my work, myself, my passion. We all have something to give.....if only our prayers.

"To imagine is everything, to know is nothing at all." ~A. France

This is an ongoing challenge: to clear my mind and clear my studio. That means I must complete paintings and projects in order to move forward. There are about 20 works in process.That is actually typical of how I work but I really don't want to dismiss these concepts. For me,they need time and care to evolve into worthwhile images. I haven't been giving enough time or care to much lately. Tonight I worked on these two recent paintings on wood panels.I enjoyed every moment.



"Live out of your imagination, not your history." ~ S.Covey

Inner Peace:In Process

The Real Life 3 Doors Down
Painted Evans Blue

Chaotic Bliss

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." A. Cohen
...but one must preserve order and some respect in the midst of all that adventure and change.A little dignity is important to me as well, although it seems many people easily dispense with much of it in the name of living a regret free life. In the end we have to be who we are and live with ourselves. Our reality, self imposed rules and boundaries are not necessarily shared. I recently asked a friend, "What would it actually be like if we all dared to live our dreams?"...his response, "chaotic bliss."
I considered this and realized I grew up amid "chaos" minus the bliss. I learned many things from the frenzy.
I teach Art to 700 energetic,hugging,questioning,needing,pleading,mess-making, beautiful Kindergartners. I get some of my best ideas and inspiration in the midst of all the mess but more than anything it makes me appreciate the quiet.My best work however, is created when my head and heart are least silent.Go figure! :)
I am simultaneously working on 5 paintings. To onlookers, my process and workspace might appear to be a messy madness. I prefer to think of it as "chaotic BLISS." :)
“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It's very important to be aware of them every time they come up.”
Deepak Chopra

Jude's Solo Exhibition:Serendipity

Serendipity

Jill Bolte Taylor: Energy, Beauty and Inspiration

Beauty

"Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old." ~ Franz Kafka

Images and words can be powerful and revealing. They can convey the secrets of your soul and the abundance in your heart.Inspired still by the words of a 12 year old,posted in a prior blog entry,I intend to live and celebrate 2009 with a "full heart." I want my images and words this year to represent the joy and love in my life.I am fortunate because it truly is plentiful.It is difficult to admit that I sometimes cling to the "negative" because it is comfortable being the victim... but that is a heavy weight to bear. I am no longer a child.Those who imposed great pain are gone and many years have passed.I was recently advised that it is time to forgive,(myself included.)How strange that someone should fear "success" or "happiness".I do it seems.Embracing both,admitting both,involves,believing in my own self worth. That must seem inconceivable to some. I am almost there:)

So I have decided to choose words to focus upon, my own "daily affirmations", as inspiration for my art.I will select one simple word per month,posted alongside the wise writing of a 12 year old and the artwork of a friend on my easel, and I will create with that word in mind.Seriously, how powerful and "full" are words like love,peace,beauty?...We overuse them and tend to dismiss their value. We diminish the essence of their genuine meaning.An entry by artist, Vivi-Mari Carpelan on her blog,A Spiritual Journey On Planet Earth, reminded me of the need to "see" beauty,the meaning of true beauty (she is it),the necessity to find it,unearth it,appreciate it.
So for January, the word is BEAUTY...it surrounds me... I know it:) 258

Wisdom From A Twelve Year Old: On Living With A Full Heart

I came upon this as I was perusing a counseling site. I surround myself with children. They love abundantly. They accept life with a graceful ease and honesty. I have learned more from my children and students than from any adult. I tend to build protective walls and then "challenge" others to a point where they either stay or go.It seems more comfortable and "painless" to remain guarded.Unlike my sister who loves fully and generously,I prefer to avoid potential hurt.Children,however,seem to be the exception for me...I easily connect with them.They require immediate attention,trust and kindness...there are no overriding expectations. They simply choose to love.I discovered these words, written by a 12 year old. How perfect that a child can "see" so clearly and with great wisdom."Out of the mouths of babes..."

On Living With A Full Heart
When one is too hurt one cannot see others' pain, is too blind with one's own.
When one has many weights to lift, one cannot enjoy life.
When one has many expectations, one cannot be patient with others.
When one has fear, one cannot enjoy life.
When one does not give, one is making the heart lonely.
When one does not take, one is making the heart feel inferior
When one does not hope, one is shutting oneself into a tight closet.
But when one does not love, one is killing one's self.

(written by 12-year old Olivia, Berkeley, California, 2/12/02)

So in 2009, my purpose will be to live with a full heart. I posted this on my desk next to a treasured image entitled, Slaughter Run.
2009...moving forward,moving on.
The joy of life is the forward road...—Tertius Van Dyke

Quiet Your Mind

A recurring bit of advice from several of my most trusted friends and family: "Quiet your mind,quiet your actions and words and look within yourself because all that is needed to succeed is within you, not elsewhere. Let your art be your voice." I know all of this. I advise people to do the same and the work that lies before me, is personal and internal. It is the act of BELIEVING. Actions do speak louder than words. I know, I hear, I see, I just have to believe and trust myself.I somehow believe that others are smarter,more talented,more worthy and will lead the way.I already know the way.I am tired of my self-defeating repetitive thoughts and actions.Beth Anne,my baby sister, you have become an unlikely source of inspiration and wisdom. Who would have thought? :) Congratulations on this years achievements.You've had many. I'll be there to see you successfully finish your 18 mile run. Run, run for your life. I'll paint for mine.I am proud of you and thank you with all my heart.

FLYING

"He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying." ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Flying is not a magical process!
It requires focus,persistence,practice,hard work and a belief in one's own ability to fly. Someone important in my life,told me that failure was an option and that one must "see" possibilities rather than obstacles.It sounds easy,because obviously our hearts and heads,our lives and the lives of others,among so many other things,tend to get in the way.
But I assure you...it can be done. Patience,persistence,practice,discipline,focus,forgiveness of oneself,persistence,fearlessness,persistence,imagination,determination,persistence,desire...and acceptance that it is an ongoing practice are NECESSARY.
I knew this little girl once who was not particularly exceptional,save for her passion for art.I barely noticed her in school. She blended in...was nearly "invisible".Without sharing the tragic details, let's just say, she was a victim of pure dysfunction, dysfunction with a capital "D"...Her art became her solace and reserve.The sad thing is no one ever taught her that she could fly,that the ability and strength was within her.Not many people even knew that she was anything other than average,existing in an average life.I know that she was "paralyzed" by FEAR,embarrassment and confusion.But somehow,in the midst of all that "noise" and clutter,she did see and learn and grow.I haven't seen her for quite a while, but I heard that she recently found her wings:)I think of her often because as a parent and as an educator, I have a wonderful opportunity to encourage children to take flight,to tell them that there are no mistakes really,that the "bad" will pass and the true "magic" is within them. It isn't easy,but it can absolutely be done.
So persist and BELIEVE.Be patient and dream but at the same time,keep it real. People are watching and listening and craving assistance on their quest to fly.There are some exceptional mentors out there who provide guidance and support... if you let them, but in the end it all depends on you.
May you soar to new heights and find your magic.