Progress: On Top of My Head

Maintaining balance in life is key. Physical, psychological and emotional balance...moderation in most things,  is desirable. But of course this is also unrealistic and idealistic. At any given moment, added pressure and weight , the unforeseen and unexpected, threatens  to topple our steadiness and stability. So we readjust our stance. We shift and redistribute the weight and sometimes we change, trying once more to  keep centered and hold on. I believe the solution sometimes is to simplify, release and lessen the load. It takes strength to admit weakness and weary.

Here's my recent progress: On Top of My Head.

 

Change: On Top Of My Head

Life itself  is change. It is inevitable. We struggle to preserve and protect what is and what was. Our minds grow attached to the comfortable and familiar, the safe and the sound. I only know that for me, decades of holding on have left me in a place of fear, anxiety and discontent. I lay awake rationalizing my life and my choices, all of which have led to a lovely state of being....quiet, secure but very alone. "Get a life right?" "Quit the complaining!" "Have a grateful heart and stop the self centered babble!" I mentally scolded myself for years with these reprimands. But the gnawing desire to leave, to do more and be more, to find like minds in work and in my heart persists and paralyzes. So change is due. It is now. It is terrifying because those I love most, now know what plagues my heart and mind and they are waiting. My change will be theirs as well.

On Top of My Head is a series of paintings that I will continue to develop, inspired by my Child's Play work. Within them I explore the idea of self imposed mental clutter that creates an emotional and psychological weight .These burdens, both real and imagined, threaten to crush the spirit. I am not here to lecture or solve or reflect on how to make change. I do that with myself in every waking moment it seems. I just know that leaving means changing and changing requires unloading the heaviness. I can't run and fly with all of this extra weight. And now to decide...where the heck am I going...I believe post grad school, will take me to where my art and the art of others surrounds me daily, where my heart is understood.This requires   painting and more painting to get me where I want to be! (Oh and welding, I need to know how to weld !) x

On Top of My Head....some new images in process:

All images are copyrighted by Jude Harzer Fine Art and CRO Designs 2012

A Belated New Year Wish...

I crave the art of writers who expertly string together words ,capable of evoking emotion and empathy , capable of challenging thought or inspiring imagery. I sometimes share their text because they so adequately mirror my own mind and heart. The simplicity and purity of author Neil Gaiman's wishes for the New Year, are so perfectly enough:) Happy 2012. May you make magic and surprise yourself!

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.” ― Neil Gaiman

 

Progress: Child's Play On Top Of My Head

In recent months, I have developed these symbolic visual narratives in greater depth . They are a culmination of concepts and images from previous works, all aimed toward the exploring the importance of "child's play" as a venue for learning, communication, collaboration and self exploration. It is a time when secrets are revealed, roles are defined and emotions are expressed. In 2012, I will compose text that more explicitly defines the story of these works.
Here is a glimpse of this evening's effort! Enjoy!

 

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create -- so that
without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.”
― Pearl S. Buck

On Top of My Head

I intend to surprise myself this upcoming year! I do. I have set in motion a path that will markedly change my life. I am apprehensive and a bit frightened but more fearful of standing still . My art has also begun to change and is more genuinely representative of who I am and how I think. We are our thoughts after all. Our ideas are inextricably tied to how we navigate and react to the world in which we live. For me, the awareness that I alone am responsible for my life, is more important than ever before in this season of my being.
A dear friend, unknowingly inspired me to retrieve and recover a creative project that I set aside, one that embraces all that I value in my art and life...children,love,whimsy and wonder. And so I have begun a new series of works that are tied to my Child's Play paintings, entitled, "On Top of My Head..." I hope, I know, I pledge...to surprise myself:)

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”
― Neil Gaiman

Child's Play: Protector

Who better to protect a child than one who has survived and strengthened?

“It's the children the world almost breaks who grow up to save it.”
― Frank Warren

The child must have a secret world in which live things that never were. It is necessary that she believe. She must start out by believing in things not of this world. Then when the world becomes too ugly for living in, the child can reach back and live in her imagination. ... Only by having these things in my mind can I live beyond what I have to live for.”
― Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Moving Forward: Child's Play

I officially completed my second term of graduate school this past week. There were moments that felt downright frustrating and overwhelming. I contemplated terminating my registration in the program but I was reminded quite frequently by friends and by my own incessant thoughts, as to why I must persist. I am moving forward...in life, in art, in living out loud! My classes at the Savannah College of Art and Design have been unexpectedly challenging but incredibly rewarding. I realized how much I have to learn about the discipline I most love... all of the theory, criticism, and formal elements of art are still swirling in my brain .It seriously made me think hard about my own work and its place in the contemporary art world! I intend to make my way.

So in my painting class, I continued to explore the concept of "Child's Play," as inspiration for symbolic visual, multi-figure narratives. I'm basically telling stories that address the importance of role playing among children as a vehicle for self exploration, understanding and self expression. My work is very personal and is intended to convey a sense of familiarity, comfort and intimacy. I believe our greatest inheritance as artists is our life
experience and personal history. I have drawn upon my own discovery of art and imaginative play as a way of making sense of traumatic and disturbing occurrences in childhood that shaped who I am and how I think. My intent however is to feature children who exhibit strength, resilience and who utilize creativity to cope and thrive.

My work incorporates themes of danger, concealment, vulnerability, protection and unification. There is reoccurring symbolism which includes the headwear, the flamingo and barbed wire .I will work to further expand this symbolic visual language and a more defined cast of characters relevant to the theme of the ritual of play and the protection of children.

The works of narrative painter Paula Rego , photographer Sally Mann and outside artist, Henry Darger, have significantly influenced my recent artistic intent and desired aesthetic using children as my primary subject matter. All create provocative imagery with psychological and symbolic underlying content.

So these images are reflective of my recent efforts in Painting I at SCAD. I am moving forward and not looking back!

" Oriah Mountain Dreamer, L'Invitation"

“It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”
― Oriah Mountain Dreamer, L'Invitation

In Remembrance...Sky Blue and Black

For the victims,responders, heroes,and surviving loved ones of 9/11....may you find peace, bluer skies and love amidst the black...for all of us....hold all those you love, here and gone, deep within your heart with gratitude and joy!

Tell Me A Story

Again I am readdressing past work. We are often encouraged to learn from and leave behind yesterday. "What is done is done!" they say..."Move on!" But I'm not done! My work is about all of me...all of my yesterdays, my nows and my tomorrows. It is my story and we each have one! I am shaped by what was, but not defined by it. I love my memories...the good and the not so great:) Some of my most negative experiences, my aches and pains, my losses, and failures, have been the greatest catalysts for making positive change and growth. They have informed me about myself...what I want and don't want, what I expect and what I wish to become.My daughter, from the time she was little would say, "Mommy, tell me a story." I began a series of paintings years ago, entitled just that.

"Tell Me A Story."A lot can be learned from knowing intimately, the "his/her" story of an individual. What makes them tick? What inspires them to greatness or causes them to retreat into solitude? Why and how do they choose love or not to love? What are their passions? What is their greatest loss? Who? What? Why? When? Where? I want to know!!! And others prefer not to know at all. Anonymity and disconnection abounds. I get it! Does it matter really? To me, it does...witnessing a persons life and seeing beyond the facade...it motivates my heart, my work, my spirit.

So several years ago, I began a stream of consciousness piece to explore my story. When I am unfocused, the intent was to redirect my thoughts into a work that simply explores my current state of mind with no intention about the end result...individual patterns,memories,text and imagery interwoven to create a whole. In some ways it is meditative, like a linear labyrinth...turning and twisting back into itself to restore calm. I do envision an organic piece, one  that transforms in shape, scale and media. It will be textured, intricate,erratic,freely hanging,delicately bound by thread and wire and unbound by frame. It will be my story and for once I understand that it is all my own!

Awake and Dreaming

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

"Awake and Dreaming " oil and mixed media on recycled wood Jude Harzer Fine Art

detail     "Awake and Dreaming"

I began this painting while in New York City at the School of Visual Arts in the summer of 2009. That was a wonderful and life altering experience for me, having returned to school at nearly 46 years of age to devote my efforts exclusively to my art. The program lasted only 5 weeks, but it was an intensive period of time during which I immersed myself in my thoughts and my painting. When I returned home, I was very aware of the changes that had occurred around and within me. Imagine how noticeable the transformation would be if you hadn't seen a small child for a year! The changes would be monumental and immediately apparent! Mine were undeniably huge! The greatest challenge was in determining how to reconnect and assimilate back into my daily life where the people I most loved, existed and thrived. One of my best friends advised me to paint my way to where I wished to be.This was invaluable advice but not always easy to follow because the realization was that where I am going, those I love might not care to follow. I have struggled these past few years to remain sensitive to the idea that they didn't expect or invite these changes.I even surrendered myself to the notion of "staying put", convincing myself that my "selfishness" and restlessness could be remedied by altering my thoughts and perceptions...Hmmm...I failed at that endeavor!

Because, move forward I must.....We are designed for change and growth, however difficult it might be.This summer I will once again have time to fully dedicate to my art as I begin  graduate school .I am approaching this experience with more confidence and receptivity to change. During the past two years, I have grown bolder, braver,kinder and more patient. I have become a BELIEVER and  I am certain my work will reflect who and what I am...an artist:) Change is good!
"
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. " ~Anatole France

Grace in Letting Go

Self: oil on recycled canvas...in process..."Letting Go."
April's Love

I Like For You To Be Still ~ Pablo Neruda

Pablo Neruda


Pablo Neruda,(1904-1973) Chilean writer, poet and political activist , composed sonnets and poems so deeply sensual and erotic that many were considered controversial at the time and were actually banned. They are works of pure passion ... I cannot choose a favorite. There are many. His words betray thoughts and emotions secretly felt by others. At times they are difficult to read and leave one feeling exposed . He is an artist, creating from that which inspires most great works: LOVE...lost, found,unrequited,protected.
May you love fully and genuinely throughout the rest of your days. (For Fiona and John)

Wonder

“Wonder is not a Pollyanna stance, not a denial of reality; wonder is an acknowledgment of the power of the mind to transform.”~  Christina Baldwin

 

For every child: I wonder if you will ever know how loved you are and how you have graced my life...109814

"Wonder...Know this child will be gifted...With love, with patience and with faith...She'll make her way ...".

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/Wonder/20LU7t?src=5

The Power of Self

 See Me. I paint and like who I am. Visit See.me.com to view my profile and submission celebrating the "Power of Self."

http://judeharzer.see.me/aw2011/grid

Day Dreamer

In process,"Day Dreamer", very wet oil on recycled canvas. I apologize for the reflection.  

Day Dreamer
"It is a good idea to be alone in a garden at dawn or dark so that 
all its shy presence may haunt you and possess you in a reverie
of suspended thought."  ~James Douglas

In Process...

In process...
I am recycling my first attempts at truly painting from just 5 years ago.I smile when I think of how I've grown and improved. Instead of destroying or abandoning these original works, I thought they would make beautiful under paintings. I will blanket the old, with the new. Fresh images and pigment will conceal hidden stories.They will preserve the process of my return to painting.

I smile when I look at past work. It is painfully labored and self conscious, but always I created with passion and heart. I paint more aggressively now. I think and work with more confidence. I  trust my own eyes .  I have an abundance of painted canvas, waiting to be reworked and transformed. Change is due.
“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

  

"Blessed"...in process

For my daughter....for my children...."I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach..." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“There is no such thing as too many children… that is like saying there are too many flowers.”  

 Mother Theresa

Cecilia: My Wish

Detail oil on canvas 24" x 36" Jude Harzer My Wish

In process: My Wish oil on canvas 2011 Jude Harzer

 "Well the thing I find most amazing in amazing grace,is the chance 
to give it out ...maybe that's what love is all about..." B. Heath                      

                           

Red Shoe Series continued.....

My inspiration for my upcoming MFA painting program at Savannah School of Art and Design explores the emotional , spiritual and psychological transformations of women in mid life. I will continue to develop my "Red Shoe" series as I evaluate the redefining of the feminine figure and psyche as women mature.