Change: On Top Of My Head

Life itself  is change. It is inevitable. We struggle to preserve and protect what is and what was. Our minds grow attached to the comfortable and familiar, the safe and the sound. I only know that for me, decades of holding on have left me in a place of fear, anxiety and discontent. I lay awake rationalizing my life and my choices, all of which have led to a lovely state of being....quiet, secure but very alone. "Get a life right?" "Quit the complaining!" "Have a grateful heart and stop the self centered babble!" I mentally scolded myself for years with these reprimands. But the gnawing desire to leave, to do more and be more, to find like minds in work and in my heart persists and paralyzes. So change is due. It is now. It is terrifying because those I love most, now know what plagues my heart and mind and they are waiting. My change will be theirs as well.

On Top of My Head is a series of paintings that I will continue to develop, inspired by my Child's Play work. Within them I explore the idea of self imposed mental clutter that creates an emotional and psychological weight .These burdens, both real and imagined, threaten to crush the spirit. I am not here to lecture or solve or reflect on how to make change. I do that with myself in every waking moment it seems. I just know that leaving means changing and changing requires unloading the heaviness. I can't run and fly with all of this extra weight. And now to decide...where the heck am I going...I believe post grad school, will take me to where my art and the art of others surrounds me daily, where my heart is understood.This requires   painting and more painting to get me where I want to be! (Oh and welding, I need to know how to weld !) x

On Top of My Head....some new images in process:

All images are copyrighted by Jude Harzer Fine Art and CRO Designs 2012