In Remembrance...Sky Blue and Black

For the victims,responders, heroes,and surviving loved ones of 9/11....may you find peace, bluer skies and love amidst the black...for all of us....hold all those you love, here and gone, deep within your heart with gratitude and joy!

Dolls and Child's Play: Recent Works

As always, my work is inspired by personal experiences, thoughts and emotions. When I paint and create, my mind is focused on my own reflections and responses to the happenings of life rather than the actual painting process and image making. I consistently say that I paint "who I am." Of course, like most individuals, there are many facets to my interests,personality and roles that I assume. Consequently the subject matter of my work varies and often the technique itself. But all of it is me...my marks, my images, my passions. I am both woman and child, mother, daughter, partner and friend.

I also work in a series format because my ideas regarding the same "theme" are abundant. A single image is often not an adequate representation of my concept and so multiple compositions allow me to explore and experiment.So featured here are recent works addressing two new series of works: the "Doll" series and "Child's Play."

Doll

Captured

The "Doll" images address the social and sexual well behaved female. I will elaborate on this in a future post. The "Child's Play" series , in essence, explores the value of play as an investigation of self and environment in youth. It also addresses the unique and sometimes deviant behaviors that are revealed in response to the imposed stresses and constraints of life . Children develop skills and define interests as a result of play.

Featured here is a glimpse of my initial attempts to explore these themes. There is more to come...I promise!

It's In the Journey

~ Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome. ~Arthur Ashe

Click here to see me and my art in Savannah, Ga.

I am an artist. I can't imagine being anything else. I see art everywhere. It took a lifetime for me to accept and embrace that I view and experience things in a way that is unique only to me. I am a painter of dreams..., my dreams. It has been a very strange, confusing, and yet very beautiful journey to arrive at this place. At nearly 48 years old, I am beginning to recognize and understand the person who I am, or rather who I wish to become. This journey through life, requires transformation.We are not meant to stand still or necessarily be comfortable or content.

Here at Savannah College of Art and Design, where I began my graduate studies in painting this summer, standing still was not an option and change has been demanded. The faculty expects it . My lifestyle and painting practice made it inevitable. A 5 week intensive quarter semester with a daily schedule from 5 am to midnight ,devoted primarily to art production and critique, did not allow for idleness, mentally or physically speaking.They call it "art boot camp" here. It is.... but the rigor and discipline were welcomed . I was made for this.

My life this past year has evolved in ways I never imagined. A new job, my youngest child graduated and  college bound, irreversibly altered personal relationships, and a host of other life happenings , ... all  necessitated that I evolve and grow...or not. There were long, dark  "moments" when I did not feel able. I resisted and nearly surrendered to a dangerous and paralyzing complacency and acceptance of a life to which I no longer belonged. Acceptance to graduate school was a long considered "reaction" and opportunity to redefine my life and reorient my path to where I wish to be. I don't know exactly where that is, but I know that moving forward is the way in which I'll arrive at that realization.


I even expected the torturous self reflection that this experience would evoke.Crying....there was a lot of crying...some from sadness, frustration, loneliness, relief and joy. Daily, life altering conversations with like minded creative spirits, exposure to art making and criticism that dramatically differs from my own, financial and personal sacrifices to "selfishly" be in this place, plagued my thoughts on a daily basis, amid an expectation to produce and perform. And still I know I needed to be here. As uncomfortable and challenging as it felt at times, I felt an urgent, disquieting pull to embrace this new phase in my life.I created this moment and this opportunity. I cannot waste it.

There is no place, however to which I can go, where I can hide from myself....not even in Savannah. It has a haunted, transient , unpredictable atmosphere. It feels right for me at this moment. Yesterday was a final critique. No one can possibly criticize me more than I evaluate and criticize myself.I realized through this process, how much I have to learn, how sincerely I have grown and how strong I am in mind, body and spirit.  I trust how I think . All the confusion and angst usually comes from resisting what I know to be certain. I know my heart. I know my passions. I know my many weaknesses and flaws. So finally, I am letting go. No promises...no expectations of anyone other than myself to assist in my journey but pure gratitude for the health, love, family and friendships that have guided me here... and hope, always great hope, that those who I love will have patience, empathy and compassion as I venture forward. I am so grateful and blessed. I wonder if I say it enough...if those I love, know it enough.

I'll make art that matters...to me and hopefully to others. I'm desperate to learn.I'll continue to share my graduate school experiences. I expect they will be interesting, to me anyway:) The posted images are a few of the works I created during the 5 week immersion. I think art is meant to be shared. It is who I am.
Some of my recent artistic transformation was inspired by the direction of two wildly talented and brilliant young professors: Gregory Eltringham and Natalija Mijatovic. It was an honor to work with them. They offered a rare level of intelligence, talent, and sensitivity that made me respect and value the artistic process and purpose. They made me want and expect more of myself. Here are links to their professional sites:
http://www.gregoryeltringham.com/

http://www.blazokovacevic.com/

Now I have a brief hiatus. As I prepare to send both my children off to college and ready for my own year of teaching, I must plan and learn to manage the demands of graduate school. I'm ready.No more wasting me:)
"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." ~Confucious
Enjoy!

No longer waiting for my real life to begin....this is it!
http://grooveshark.com/s/Waiting+For+My+Real+Life+To+Begin/1L

SPECIAL LOVE and THANKS to my room mate Jessica and my neighbors and friends, GAV and CHRIS who made me smile and who endured my quirkiness, stories and energy:) oxox

Click here to see me and my art in Savannah, Ga.

Tell Me A Story

Again I am readdressing past work. We are often encouraged to learn from and leave behind yesterday. "What is done is done!" they say..."Move on!" But I'm not done! My work is about all of me...all of my yesterdays, my nows and my tomorrows. It is my story and we each have one! I am shaped by what was, but not defined by it. I love my memories...the good and the not so great:) Some of my most negative experiences, my aches and pains, my losses, and failures, have been the greatest catalysts for making positive change and growth. They have informed me about myself...what I want and don't want, what I expect and what I wish to become.My daughter, from the time she was little would say, "Mommy, tell me a story." I began a series of paintings years ago, entitled just that.

"Tell Me A Story."A lot can be learned from knowing intimately, the "his/her" story of an individual. What makes them tick? What inspires them to greatness or causes them to retreat into solitude? Why and how do they choose love or not to love? What are their passions? What is their greatest loss? Who? What? Why? When? Where? I want to know!!! And others prefer not to know at all. Anonymity and disconnection abounds. I get it! Does it matter really? To me, it does...witnessing a persons life and seeing beyond the facade...it motivates my heart, my work, my spirit.

So several years ago, I began a stream of consciousness piece to explore my story. When I am unfocused, the intent was to redirect my thoughts into a work that simply explores my current state of mind with no intention about the end result...individual patterns,memories,text and imagery interwoven to create a whole. In some ways it is meditative, like a linear labyrinth...turning and twisting back into itself to restore calm. I do envision an organic piece, one  that transforms in shape, scale and media. It will be textured, intricate,erratic,freely hanging,delicately bound by thread and wire and unbound by frame. It will be my story and for once I understand that it is all my own!

Awake and Dreaming

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

"Awake and Dreaming " oil and mixed media on recycled wood Jude Harzer Fine Art

detail     "Awake and Dreaming"

I began this painting while in New York City at the School of Visual Arts in the summer of 2009. That was a wonderful and life altering experience for me, having returned to school at nearly 46 years of age to devote my efforts exclusively to my art. The program lasted only 5 weeks, but it was an intensive period of time during which I immersed myself in my thoughts and my painting. When I returned home, I was very aware of the changes that had occurred around and within me. Imagine how noticeable the transformation would be if you hadn't seen a small child for a year! The changes would be monumental and immediately apparent! Mine were undeniably huge! The greatest challenge was in determining how to reconnect and assimilate back into my daily life where the people I most loved, existed and thrived. One of my best friends advised me to paint my way to where I wished to be.This was invaluable advice but not always easy to follow because the realization was that where I am going, those I love might not care to follow. I have struggled these past few years to remain sensitive to the idea that they didn't expect or invite these changes.I even surrendered myself to the notion of "staying put", convincing myself that my "selfishness" and restlessness could be remedied by altering my thoughts and perceptions...Hmmm...I failed at that endeavor!

Because, move forward I must.....We are designed for change and growth, however difficult it might be.This summer I will once again have time to fully dedicate to my art as I begin  graduate school .I am approaching this experience with more confidence and receptivity to change. During the past two years, I have grown bolder, braver,kinder and more patient. I have become a BELIEVER and  I am certain my work will reflect who and what I am...an artist:) Change is good!
"
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. " ~Anatole France

Grace in Letting Go

Self: oil on recycled canvas...in process..."Letting Go."
April's Love

I Like For You To Be Still ~ Pablo Neruda

Pablo Neruda


Pablo Neruda,(1904-1973) Chilean writer, poet and political activist , composed sonnets and poems so deeply sensual and erotic that many were considered controversial at the time and were actually banned. They are works of pure passion ... I cannot choose a favorite. There are many. His words betray thoughts and emotions secretly felt by others. At times they are difficult to read and leave one feeling exposed . He is an artist, creating from that which inspires most great works: LOVE...lost, found,unrequited,protected.
May you love fully and genuinely throughout the rest of your days. (For Fiona and John)