If I sat to write all of the ways in which my life has been "unfolding" and changing in the past several years, I could seriously create an interesting novel. After years of seeking comfort, prompted mostly by fear, insecurity and misunderstanding, I now crave change. I ache for it. Prepared or not, I realize that it is only through change, great or small, that I will become who I am meant to me.I can't accomplish that bound by the mental confines that I constructed in the past. Really what is the worst that can happen? Failure, poverty,abandonment, loneliness? These really are not options in my world:) What if change means abundance, wealth, community, acceptance and love? I believe it does and will.
So, my path is slow, but steady . Perhaps I am idealistic, unrealistic, even crazy to surrender stability. I'm just embracing the unexpected and welcoming the previously uninvited. Have I been painting? Not much ...but I'm forever painting in my mind. I know that when I put brush to canvas...soon....very soon, I'm gonna' make magic. Life feels magical at this moment for no reason other than I am letting go of my own fears. One of my treasured friends always reminds me that pain, fear, failure becomes only as important as one makes it....it is the way in which you react to it and "hold it" that matters. I am holding my fears with gentleness and respect...they are certainly not gone... but I am ready to set them aside so that I can move, grow, and Fly.
I wish I could reveal some greater purpose to which I aspire. Hmmm...I actually can't . Painting is it! My joy, my future, my objective... is to create art that is "authentic" and that matters to me. I think it will be meaningful to others as well. I want to share my heart and my work fearlessly. I'm not there yet. I have to be mindful of my present life and of those I love but they love me enough to know that change will do me good:)
So that's all I got. Perhaps not much to anyone other than myself but there is freedom in understanding and knowing myself and my weaknesses. For others, I may never be enough, give enough, produce enough, be smart or beautiful or talented enough.It matters more that I think I am "enough." Shhh.... although I think at times I'm "too much" for some:)
Hold your fears gently and dare to fly. Make it magical and meaningful! Welcome to Judy's world:)
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