If I sat to write all of the ways in which my life has been "unfolding" and changing in the past several years, I could seriously create an interesting novel. After years of seeking comfort, prompted mostly by fear, insecurity and misunderstanding, I now crave change. I ache for it. Prepared or not, I realize that it is only through change, great or small, that I will become who I am meant to me.I can't accomplish that bound by the mental confines that I constructed in the past. Really what is the worst that can happen? Failure, poverty,abandonment, loneliness? These really are not options in my world:) What if change means abundance, wealth, community, acceptance and love? I believe it does and will.
So, my path is slow, but steady . Perhaps I am idealistic, unrealistic, even crazy to surrender stability. I'm just embracing the unexpected and welcoming the previously uninvited. Have I been painting? Not much ...but I'm forever painting in my mind. I know that when I put brush to canvas...soon....very soon, I'm gonna' make magic. Life feels magical at this moment for no reason other than I am letting go of my own fears. One of my treasured friends always reminds me that pain, fear, failure becomes only as important as one makes it....it is the way in which you react to it and "hold it" that matters. I am holding my fears with gentleness and respect...they are certainly not gone... but I am ready to set them aside so that I can move, grow, and Fly.
I wish I could reveal some greater purpose to which I aspire. Hmmm...I actually can't . Painting is it! My joy, my future, my objective... is to create art that is "authentic" and that matters to me. I think it will be meaningful to others as well. I want to share my heart and my work fearlessly. I'm not there yet. I have to be mindful of my present life and of those I love but they love me enough to know that change will do me good:)
So that's all I got. Perhaps not much to anyone other than myself but there is freedom in understanding and knowing myself and my weaknesses. For others, I may never be enough, give enough, produce enough, be smart or beautiful or talented enough.It matters more that I think I am "enough." Shhh.... although I think at times I'm "too much" for some:)
Hold your fears gently and dare to fly. Make it magical and meaningful! Welcome to Judy's world:)
Posts
Hey Jude (I feel a song comin' on)
ReplyDeleteI very much like the collection of work that you are pulling together. It is not quantity but quality and your experience show in your work. I love the work with children in them, the dream like quality of it, the message behind it.
I too am unable to create during times of change; however once the change is complete and feeling secure there is an outpouring. I have found that once I complete a change that I grow in a different direction on canvas.
"When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly” (Patrick Overton)
Patrick:) Thank you so much for your thoughtful observations and comments. Exactly, I create best in times of transition. Painting allows me to work through my emotions without becoming paralyzed by them. I do find, that I have a very difficult time letting go. Most of what inspires me is somehow connected to lifelong loves, passion, pain...I don't know that I let go as much as put them in their place.I do know that I've changed. Someone once said at one of my exhibits that it was like "witnessing the intimacy of my mind and heart unfolding...when in pain, you paint pain, when in love, you paint love:)" And here I thought I was masking it:) I have learned to welcome change. I think Patrick that I am ready to fly, even if it means dramatic personal change.I wonder if I'll ever feel "secure" though. I do crave growth and the opportunity to create more. I have a lot more to "say." Thank s again!
ReplyDeleteGo Forward - JDR
ReplyDeleteJDR,I know:) The beauty is in knowing when to stay and when to go. It is time to fly:) PS....I am terrified:) Can I come see you? oxoxo
ReplyDelete