Growing Up: A Beautiful and Bittersweet Wonder

Someone once told me that our children grow up, "in spite of us." As a parent of two older teens,I am fascinated at how grounded and independent my children are...yes, in spite of me.The ironic thing is that I was an embarrassingly over protective parent. I mistook the responsibility of loving my children,particularly my first, Christina,for guarding her and controlling her experiences. Tia was delicate and beautiful. I nursed her for 2 years, never sent her to preschool, let her sleep with me until she was 5....all in an effort to keep her safe... and where did she end up?...in a worry group. At five years old, she didn't want to leave mommy and so Kindergarten was traumatic. I missed the lesson that my primary job included preparing her for the real world.
I erred in the name of love. I tend to do that still.The daily visits to the beach,boardwalk,zoos,parks,play groups,..the building of homemade puppet theatres, pretend castles and pillow houses was the norm but not necessarily effective in readying her for school and friends and life:).
Now here is the incredible thing,kids are resilient, and when loved, they really do learn to "fly."One thing I do well, is love Christina and Robert.At five she came to me and pretty much said, "Hey, I'm sleeping in my own bed...and she never returned to mine." At 13, she criticized me for not allowing her to ever walk around the block by herself with the argument that she would be living away from me in several years and she barely knew how to cross the street alone. She didn't want to be afraid. That was painful to hear...that I had imposed my fears. She continued to educate me and demand her freedom.She became my teacher and then one day, several years ago,she took me aside and said,"Camel(her name for me),you are pretty much a hypocrite...as you encourage us(her brother included) to find our passions,live fearlessly and excel, you live in a safe,small world of your own,paralyzed by fear." She asked why I abandoned my dreams? Wow...that hurt. It hurt more that she could see me and even more to hear the truth. And then I began to paint and to dream for myself and for my children.I was painting for my life.
So kids really do grow up in spite of us:)
And that little girl, now 18, is a DREAMER and a free spirit but tough and focused. Nearly finishing her first semester in college with high honors, she has secured an internship that requires her to move far away.She leaves in January.I think she is about to fly:)

Progress:Discipline+Focus=A Happier Me!

"One-half of life is luck; the other half is discipline — and that's the important half, for without discipline you wouldn't know what to do with luck."
— Carl Zuckmayer: Was a German dramatist
I know that I am lucky,although it took until I was 40ish to realize the value of being disciplined to translate that "luck" into something more meaningful.I believe that I am happiest when I am productive, creating art. I think it is funny when people express concern and encourage me to relax or to rest.I live for those quiet, uninterrupted moments when I am painting.
I actually want to "work" more and have only devoted several hours a week to my art since September. Hmmm...so I assure those nearest and dearest to me, that I will try to rest my mind but certainly not my schedule.I aim to simplify and focus. Discipline is key ...and somehow I always manage to notice the beauty in the world around me, I am surrounded by it...but when I am working, I realize the beauty within myself.It's all good.

So here is 15 minutes more on my self portrait( about an hour in all) and progress on my Simple Dreams painting. I am also returning to COLOR! 2009 will be colorful...I am sure of it.

Dreaming:Daniel Chester French

Once in awhile, I clearly wake and remember my dreams.The past few I vividly recall have been richly laden with beautiful sculptures by Bernini and Daniel Chester French.There is something about the 3 dimensional aspect of stone carving or bronze casting, that makes these masterpieces palpable and "real" as though a kiss could awaken these figures and bring them to life. If you aren't familiar with DCF's work, other than the Lincoln Memorial of course, then you are missing out.Check out, art historian Lee Sandsteed's site devoted to this gifted sculptor, and you can see for yourself, the images that inspire my dreams. http://www.danielchesterfrench.org/

And finally, as a note to myself, I dreamed of St. Teresa of Avila and think she will inspire some of my future images.Her chambers are like the quilt panels of my paintings. Bernini's sculpture of Teresa in "ecstasy" is sensual and astounding. These dreams,these images...incessantly invade my thoughts, and they are seriously and inconceivably beautiful.I welcome them:)

Simple Dreams: My Current Works In Process

I will let my images be my voice. I did spend ten minutes starting a self portrait in an effort to salvage a canvas which originally had the beginnings of a sketched figure. I also did it while struggling to get started painting this evening. I think I might actually attempt to complete this one:)

Tim Maslyn sculptor 1957-2008

Tim Maslyn sculptor 1957-2008
Last night I received unexpected news that the husband of my sister's childhood friend, died suddenly. Three young daughters are left behind. Words cannot express the pain and loss that they must feel. I wrote to Janine last night,wanting to express my condolences.A recurring thought, that I did share with her, was that Tim would continue to inspire, and his memory survive, because he shared with others his purpose and passion...his art.
Tim Maslyn was a NJ based sculptor. Several years ago, I remember standing in my sister's kitchen in upstate NY,at a family gathering,listening to Tim talk about his choice to sculpt and his success in supporting his family doing so. He encouraged me to return to my art and have faith that if I was doing the thing I loved most, the rest would fall in to place. Many others, including my sister Lisa, have relentlessly tried to do the same. And finally I am doing just that,and I trust that what I am doing is important.That my art is meaningful to someone other than myself.
Upon hearing of Tim's passing, I thought about what is most important to me and questioned what it is I will leave behind that is greater than my life with my immediate family.For the first time, without hesitation, I am confident that it will be my art.
Art gives myself and other artists their own unique voice,and the ability to speak to a great many others in a manner that transcends words,time,socioeconomics and culture. Art has the power to touch hearts,lives and the human spirit. It is a universal language... a gift. And so, when I think of Tim, I think how wonderful it is that he created so many meaningful works that others will continue to appreciate and share, especially his family.Tim ensured the perpetuation of his memory through his sculpture.
May Janine and her children find comfort in his memory and generous spirit.
To read about Tim Maslyn and to view his work, please visit his site at:
http://www.maslynstudios.com/

Visit Michael Keropian's Site and Then Link to Me!

The internet offers wonderful opportunities to communicate and network with other artists.It enables me to view quality art from the comfort of my home. It is a source of inspiration and instruction for me personally.
At my recent exhibit at Gallery 638, it was an honor to have New York based sculptor, Michael Keropian and his talented wife, artist/art educator, Jan Malin, in attendance.Mr. Keropian has graciously added me as a link on his site. Please check out his monumental and brilliantly sculpted bronzes. His new page featuring his historic figures is particularly impressive! Enjoy! http://www.keropiansculpture.com/HISTORY.html

Breathe In, Breathe Out

The holiday season is a time for reflection. It is a time when people are encouraged to think of how fortunate they are,about others rather than themselves and hopefully take action to be kinder,more thoughtful and generous toward others. I think this is the beautiful thing about the holidays. Because as we race through the days and weeks,often attending to a host of unnecessary tasks and obligations that clutter our lives, in addition to tending to work, family,friends,activities, we miss the simple things. The holidays do make us stop, if only for a moment. They mark the passage of time, another year lived. So instead of focusing on the commercialism, the traffic, the stress of added finances,the absence of loved ones, notice the beauty. It is there.

I love when children's faces and noses are flushed and rosey from the cold air,when even my teenagers want to drink hot cocoa and snuggle to watch a movie,when their eyes reflect the twinkling strands of holiday lights, when dark,chilled nights,especially snow filled ones, do seem silent and when strangers genuinely do say hello and wish you well.We hear constantly about experiencing "gratitude" and recognizing "abundance". Like beauty, sometimes it must be sought after and revealed. It is there.

This image is from last year.My children are like the holidays to me. They make me stop and pause for a moment...actually for many moments. They demand that I pay attention and notice life. This painting, which I recently entitled, "Breathe In, Breathe Out," was created for the many, seemingly endless and frightening moments, that I lay with my son who struggled to breathe on countless night,weeks,months... because of his asthma. I literally spent years sleeping with him, my hand upon his chest,making certain that he could breathe, ensuring that he would wake.This painting is of Christina,my daughter, sharing her breath with her younger brother,Robert. It is a celebration of life,of breathing effortlessly,of dreaming peacefully and of my gratitude for the many moments that my children command me to think about someone other than myself.Robert will celebrate his 16th birthday on New Year's Day! "Breathe In, breathe out" Tia and Robert!I will do the same.